Faith, Love & Apologies...

Have you ever heard someone say:

"Chin Up, Buttercup!"

Gosh, that's tough one sometimes.
One of the HARDEST lessons in life is that
things are not going to go your way all the time.

Some of us learn it when we're kids,
but most of us learn it when we're adults...
& I'm in the adult category. ;)

when things don't go your way...
someone hurts you 
(or worse, one of your kids),
someone disrespects your beliefs...
you want to throw yourself on the floor 
& pitch a screaming fit.

Or call every friend you have to make yourself feel better.

Or sometimes, 
you might even want to
 regretfully use social media to share your feelings 
(um, I am regretfully guilty).

 I found this article over on the  

It really cut me to the core.

I try so hard to keep my mouth SHUT &
deal with things quietly & privately.

But after reading,
I realized that I am definitely falling short on that one.
Ok, I am FAILING miserably!

Particularly with this line:

Jesus laid out clear instructions on how to handle conflict in Matthew 18:15: 

 “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.”

He didn’t say, “Gather your prayer group and rehash the situation.”
Nor did He say, “Vent to your friends so you can ‘get it off your chest’ and feel better.”
No. He admonished us to keep the matter “between the two of you.”

Oh, my stars...

Have you done these things too?
I've leaned on a friend.
I've blogged about being wronged.
I'm so disappointed in myself there. :(

Boo, hiss.

You're probably wondering why I'm blogging about 
 (when clearly blogging about the act of vent is an actual vent)

but I need to get something off my chest.

Over the past year
I found myself drawn closer & closer to God.
I had several small things happen, 
& I'm one to always be watching for "signs"
& messages...clear answers to questions & prayers.

 I was clearly being spoken to.
I heard,
I read,
I listened,
I prayed.

I had fear...
I've wanted for so long to give my heart to Jesus.
I wanted to be baptized.

But I had fear.
I can't explain it.
Fear, worry, anxiety, stress.

And then one morning,
it struck me like a lightening bolt.

I could do this finally,
because I was not going to be doing it ALONE.
He would be with me.

So, I started my new year off with a bang!
On December 26th,
I became a Christian
and was baptized.

Washed with happiness & relief.
The best decision of my life!

(insert roaring applause) ;)

So, back to getting something off my chest...
I need to apologize.
It is eating me up inside.

A few months ago,
I disagreed strongly with something...
I used social media to communicate my feelings.

I hurt two people in my family.
(& may have also offended others)

In return,
they hurt me back.

Everyone hurting.
(I don't know if they still are, but I think about it every day...)

I need to apologize...
 to you, my blogging friends
(for having to read the vent I shared after they hurt my feelings)

and I need to apologize to them...

and since they no longer speak to me,
I guess I'll do it right here.

I am so sorry.

I love you very much,
please, please forgive me for hurting you. 

 I love this.

I can't change the past,
but I hope & pray that eventually you can forgive 
so that we can have a future.

Thanks for letting me "vent".
Happy Wednesday, friends.